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Most people have heard of “baby-proofing” a home to make it safe for newborns and toddlers.

This article will discuss a similar concept: Crazy-proofing. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably been involved with a high-conflict, abusive personality-disordered or just plain crazy woman at least once already.

This puts you at risk to become involved with this type of woman again. Yalom, MD, explains that insight alone is not sufficient to create change.

The only way to have an emotionally corrective experience is with a kind, healthy and stable woman who is capable of love. Don’t start looking for excuses why you shouldn’t date her.

Instead, ask yourself why you wouldn’t want to date her.

If you don’t have a mental roadmap of what a good relationship is, healthy women will seem “strange” in comparison, which you then misattribute as a lack of chemistry.

You’re attracted to abusive women because they’re familiar and, therefore, comfortable, but familiarity isn’t a good thing in this case. You want to be in a healthy relationship, but miss the adrenaline rush from the drama and conflict.

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Remind yourself that healthy women who want to be in relationships don’t play games, jerk you around and create obstacles to being with them nor do they pressure you to let them move in with you after the first date.

Remind yourself you feel uncomfortable because you’re not used to women with healthy boundaries, not because there’s something wrong with her or that she’s not a good match.

Nevertheless, most abusers will give you early warning signs of their true nature very early on, but you need to be paying attention. It doesn’t matter how hot she is, how sweet she can be when she wants something from you or if she claims to have an abuse history. Try to understand why healthy women, especially the ones who are physically attractive, don’t appeal to you.

Odds are it’s because you recognize, on some level, that they won’t abuse you. However, it makes sense once you understand what’s occurring on an unconscious level.

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Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat.

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