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Reluctant online dater dont_email_me lives in Texas, and he is very clear about what type of woman he wants: “If I can’t bounce a quarter off your inner thigh, hit the gym, not the ‘send’ button.” Charming.

“Okay, here’s the thing,” dont_email_me wrote in his self-summary, “I receive tens of thousands of emails a day and I can’t possibly take the time to read all of them. All I know is, please don’t send me an email if we aren’t at least 100% match and 0% enemies.” Message received. Savanah, age 22, is a mystery wrapped in an enigma. Her picture shows her leaning against the railing of a bridge with sunglasses covering her eyes. Not a lot of skin showing and no clues to her personality.

OK, so this isn’t exactly a legit dating profile, but it is really funny so it goes on the list. Nothing with Gene Hackman or Kevin Spacey” as a nod to his cinematic arch enemies.

Taylor is doing something really right in his innovative photo sessions.

The Huffington Post dubbed Taylor, “a veritable Ok Cupid God” due to his array of zany photos, including one of him sitting lakeside with red writing saying “YOU” and pointing at the empty chair beside him.

We may not know much about him as a person, but we know he’s hilarious, and that’s enough to make a striking first impression.

Reddit gushed over Taylor’s Ok Cupid profile photo of himself in ladybug shirt (which he made) against a ladybug backdrop. He boasts an 80% response rate to his messages on Ok Cupid. The average reply rates for men hover more in the 30% to 50% range according to Ok Cupid’s internal data.

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In just three paragraphs, Jake shows his creativity, spontaneity, and flirtatiousness. Here’s an example of a hypothetical story on a dating profile going bad — hilariously bad.

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