“He probably lied because it’s a sore spot.” Just have one polite drink. You may wind up charmed—and it’s the human thing to do.One reason I’ve been passive about online dating: Most of the guys have been a little conservative for my taste.Married daters are more common than we’d like to think, says dating coach Laurel House, host of the podcast The Man Whisperer.Her tip: “A little pre-date due diligence is smart.I want you to be on the site at least three hours a week.” Uh-oh. Kindly, Hoffman refrains from mocking my unassisted self-description: “I’m a loving person who likes trying new restaurants and a sweet treat before bed.” (I never realized how dirty that sounds.) She asks about my hobbies, how my coworkers would fill in the “most likely to” blank. And if they occasionally get a positive response, they may figure it can't hurt to try again.She then revises my profile, noting that I love cooking vegetables I grow in my garden, that Dave Chappelle has my kind of humor, that “meeting new people excites me: I could spend half an hour talking to the cashiers at Trader Joe’s.” Three-quarters of the profile should be about me, and the other quarter about what I want in a mate, says Hoffman, who tells me to be specific here, too: The goal isn’t to attract everyone, it’s to find The One. "In psychology research, we call this a 'variable reinforcement schedule,'" Lehmiller says.For me, online dating is like exercise: At the end of the day, it’s easier to watch TV.But at 44, I started to realize that if I want a companion before Social Security kicks in, I have to leave the couch.
He's sweet, too, talking about his grandma, and we follow dinner with drinks.For the others, we do one of me outside in a green dress, one where I’m wearing something sparkly, and another where I’m standing on an escalator.This doesn’t reveal much about me besides my aversion to stairs, but it’s a full body shot, which Hoffman recommends.Do a Google image search with his photo to see if it links to a Facebook or Instagram account.” This can also protect you from scam artists—be wary if the photos seem too perfect or his language is considerably more fluent in his profile than in his messages. I’m spiritual and go to church, but “faith” sounds heavy.And if he tells you he lost his wallet and needs a loan? The first thing Hoffman tells me: “This takes time and attention. I swap it for “fun.”, is that men tend to overestimate the sexual interest of women they casually encounter, so they may assume the "gift" will be welcome.